


A Little Punishment Among Friends

by VulpusTumultum



Series: Scarlet Kadan [3]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Gen, Humor, inspired by in-game dialogue, it's a contractual obligation, lavellan torments dorian because he is her bff, puns, scarlet kadan, sfw, the emerald graves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-10
Updated: 2015-03-10
Packaged: 2018-03-17 05:12:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3516635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VulpusTumultum/pseuds/VulpusTumultum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Iron Bull's boss/Kadan may be even more into puns than he is, and Dorian develops serious regrets about ever coming along with them to the Emerald Graves.</p><p>(Not in any particular order within the Scarlet Kadan series, but I decided to place it there since it is that pairing.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Little Punishment Among Friends

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spyderqueen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spyderqueen/gifts).



“So, _owl_ you doing?”

 Dorian just groaned in the heartfelt manner that he seemed to save for Bull's puns, and Cassandra gave the qunari a _look_ , but the Inquisitor's lips twitched at the corners, and she felt amusement bubble up from the slightly wistful feelings that being in the Graves gave her, looking at the ancient statues, built by the ancestors of her people.

 “Bull, hate to say it, but your sense of humor is being taken for _granite_.”

 The Tevinter mage actually stopped dead in his tracks and stared at her accusingly. She gave him as innocent a look as she could manage, which, she had to admit, probably wasn't a very good one.

 “It's ok, Boss, I don't expect everyone to gravel at my feet.”

 “Mm, that's what everyone loves about you Bull, that _stone_ cold confidence.”

 “ _Everyone?_ No,” Dorian muttered, but they were continuing on anyway.

 “ _Jewel_ be making me blush with all the compliments, Boss.”

 There was an audible snort from Cassandra, who stalked along otherwise like she was not paying any attention to them.

 “Is this some sort of contest between the two of you, or are you merely trying to torture me?” interjected the mage again, exasperated.

 “It would only be a contest if there was a prize, but we're not trying to _pun_ ish you or anything, Dorian. Don't be so _jaded._ ”

 “ _Vishante kaffas..._ ”

 The look that went between Bull and the Inquisitor now, however, was.. challenging.

 

***

 

“Cassandra, please, hit them. Repeatedly.”

 Bull and the Inquisitor hadn't exactly been punning at each other for the last what.. hour, (two hours, eternity?) nonstop- they'd stopped when there were signs of possible danger, and when there was a fight- mostly. The red headed archer actually finding puns to use during one of the fights had tempted Dorian to set her on fire rather than the enemy- or so he would, at least claim. He could hardly admit that he was, if not finding them funny, at least finding them fascinating, although possibly in the same way he would find say, a breach in the sky fascinating, or the eating habits of dragons.

 They'd finally stopped using geology puns exclusively, having developed an apparent rule where each had to say two puns- the first required to be related to the second one out of the last terrible line. And some of what they threw at each other now was positively filthy innuendo. They were _flirting_. With horrible, terrible, ungodly puns. He suspected they were actually getting aroused by some of them.

 Cassandra just snorted again and shook her head, her expression stoic- but he suspected she was somehow enjoying it. After all, she read Varric's books, and what the qunari and the elf were doing was only _slightly_ worse than that 'romance' serial.

No, wait, more than _slightly_.

 Maybe they were close to camp. Maker knew _he_ couldn't judge distances in this ridiculous wilderness. Maybe they would just... find their way into a tent and get it _over_ with once in camp.

 If he never again heard something to do with a forest used as a reference to the qunari's cock, it would still be too soon.

_Barbarians._

 

**Author's Note:**

> This may be continued at some point, with the results of the actual contest. I honestly have no idea, though, my brain is currently out of puns, and I promised a friend I'd post it as is rather than let it get lost forever on hard drive.


End file.
